Helping your Teen Master their Screen: Self-Control vs Limits.
The amount of time our kids spend on Social Media, or any type of screen time, is concerning to all parents. Not only do parents worry what their kids are watching, or how that time could be better spent, the frequent policing and monitoring of screen time also result in family tension. As kids get older, they want less monitoring and more autonomy. But the paradox is: the parents also want to give it to them. So what exactly is going on here?
The harsh truth is that the current age of Big Tech is pitting our kids against an almost unstoppable foe: the Social Media algorithm. In the past, teenagers needed to battle against TV and games. However TV followed a schedule and games could usually be completed, and also took place in a public place where time limits were perhaps more easily checked. Not only is the new devices of distraction able to fit in our pockets and taken everywhere, the Social Media feed is never-ending.
To make matters worse, it is also custom tailored to keep you scrolling; the world’s brightest minds have created them to keep fully-developed adults scrolling, to what chance do our kids have?
Maybe we just need to give them the right type of help.
Do Screen Limits Help?
There is no doubt that screen time limits are helpful, and there are plenty of products to help us do this. Thankfully the need for these was recognized by the Big Tech companies and they come built-in with mobile devices. But while they are effective for a desired outcome of limiting screen time, they might not be effective for helping teenagers develop their own self-regulation skills.
There are also side-effect that come with strict screen time regulation. Communication with your peer group is still important, and while parents might reminisce about long phone calls and hang-outs in the park, in the modern day that is being replaced with digital forms of ‘hang-outs’ which are still important. Because mobile devices really are universal gadgets that do everything, hard limits on screen time may unknowingly deprive them of this benefit.
Social media on the other hand is one-way consumption, and doesn’t provide the same benefits as communication apps. While video chats, voice calls and maybe even text chats can give kids some kind of social development (although not as good as in-person), scrolling through social media does no such thing, and may even contribute to anxiety, feelings of isolation and FOMO (thanks to people’s natural instincts to only post the best version of themselves).
So parents are stuck - on the one hand, hard limits are clearly a benefit, but on the other they might deprive kids of some things that are actually valuable.
Shift to Self-Control
On top of this, there is the tension of the desire to transition to being an adult. All teenagers grow up seeing their parents and other adults having control over their own lives (and the own devices), and want to achieve the same. As part of their developmental process, we the parents need to help them transition to being adults and with that comes the responsibility to make their own decisions. Screen limits don’t help with this.
Some advice out there involves providing alternative activities: “Let’s make a cake together”, “Let’s go shopping for X”, or “How about I drive you to your friend’s house?”. This is an excellent strategy but it requires the parent to be there. Thankfully, most teenagers also have goals and things they want to achieve: perhaps it’s a fitness goal, or reading for English class, or practicing an instrument for a recital. Kids that are engaged in these goals are already one step ahead in their journey to self-control.
Beyond Limits
This is where Screen Balance comes in. Our goal is to hook into the things teenagers want to achieve and help them develop self-regulation. We do this by generating tailored coaching videos which interrupt the social media feed with 3 key ingredients:
Addressing the viewer by name: “Hi Laura!”
Referring to the goal that they have set themselves: “How far are you through The Great Gatsby?”
Appearing as someone or something with a connection to both: In this case perhaps the message is delivered by a character from the novel that Laura has chosen
With these elements in place, the viewer is snapped out of their scrolling and is given the best opportunity possible to make a good choice: spend some time working towards their goal instead of wasting the time on scrolling. Not only does this aim to help direct their attention to where it is best needed, but it also trains their self-control muscles to get better at making similar decisions.
We want this to sit alongside screen limits, with the goal of slowly replacing them. On the way, we also hope that a healthy family dynamic is restored. If this sounds like something you want to try, you can read more here.